i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
