We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
