ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize