Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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