this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
