just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
