btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
