Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
