I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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