So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Randomize
