And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
