The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
