Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
