I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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