I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
