I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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