I'm drive I can fine osifer
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
