what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am midnight drunk by noon
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
