If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
