He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
