Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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