Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
