She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize