Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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