went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
