Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
