I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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