I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
