I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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