At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
