the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
