have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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