Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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