Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
