Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Randomize
