I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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