Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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