I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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