I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
