on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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