Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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