He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
