he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
