Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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