worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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