i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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