yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
