Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
