you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
