Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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