I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
