i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
