i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
