No I am not eating basil off your cock
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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