he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I have post one night stand depression
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