never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
