alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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