Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
