Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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