tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
