I didn't shave. On purpose
I cockslap morals
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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