Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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