I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize