Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
