He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize