Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Vodka?
Forever.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
