i barfeds in our rink
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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