This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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