We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
