Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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