So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
