My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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