just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
