If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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