i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
