apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Randomize
